


MALIBU BARBIE

by breadfruit



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Addams Family Values wrote it first, Attempted Murder, Domestic Bliss, M/M, Marriage, Morally Ambiguous Jungwoo, Smitten Yuk Hei, Smut, Sugar Daddy, that's ironic, this is very lighthearted don't take the attempted murder tag seriously, what we're all doing: our best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 07:35:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15092120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breadfruit/pseuds/breadfruit
Summary: Isn't Jungwoo a human being? Doesn't he yearn, and ache, and shop? Doesn't he deserve love... and jewelry?orJungwoo just wants Yukhei to die so he can take his unreasonable fortune. Yukhei doesn't cooperate.





	MALIBU BARBIE

**Author's Note:**

> i've been thinking a lot about that scene in Addams Family Values where debbie holds up the shovel and i was like wow if that aint a whole jungwoo mood. so we did it kids. mood music is the bangers and ass ep from tiny meat gang tbh

The Bahamas couldn’t be a more perfect place for Jungwoo to be riding Yukhei through he mattress. Except maybe Tahiti or Bora Bora, but Yukhei had surprised Jungwoo with the resort brochure before he could voice his opinion. And when he had voiced the obviously superior opinion, Yukhei— the _audacity_ , Jungwoo can’t help but mentally scoff— had only gone off about private jet landings and permits and whatever. It was boring and Jungwoo had tuned out halfway into his explanation. 

 

“God, baby. Just like that. So fucking good.” So the Bahamas it was. Yukhei’s head tips back, thumping against the headboard. His unnaturally large hands are gripping at Jungwoo’s hips desperately, guiding the smaller up and down his cock like he might die if he doesn’t feel that tight heat around him. 

 

“Am I gonna make you come, daddy? Gonna make you come inside me and fill me u— _fuck_ ,” Jungwoo’s babbling is cut off when Yukhei plants his feet on the bed and fucks up into him like he means it _finally_. “Yes,” Jungwoo hisses out. “Fuck me fuck me fuck me,” his pleas would be embarrassing if Yukhei wasn’t currently pounding straight into his prostate.

 

Yukhei curls a hand at the back of Jungwoo’s neck to pull him down for a more-teeth-than-anything kiss. His fingers move to Jungwoo’s hair and he tugs hard, hard enough to elicit an enthusiastic moan from the other as he tumbles to his back and suddenly Yukhei’s on top of him. Yukhei’s harsh pace falters only slightly as he pushes Jungwoo’s thighs to his chest. The smaller nearly smirks when Yukhei moans at his flexibility but there’s no room for snakiness in his brain when his nerves are frying, skin pricking with the fire of the other’s thrusts. 

 

It only takes a few more moments of Yukhei thrusting into him with jarring precision for Jungwoo to come totally untouched with a mindless mewl. It makes a mess over his stomach and he can’t help but think about his new belly button piercing when his vision isn’t completely white. Yukhei’s still plowing into him, moaning until he blows his load in Jungwoo’s ass. It’s satisfying in a disgusting way, wet like Yukhei licking and breathing into his mouth. The blonde moves his way down Jungwoo’s spent body, mouthing over his nipples with hot breaths. It sends an involuntary shiver down Jungwoo’s spine, and his leg jerks when Yukhei licks over his ribs.It’s too much in his sensitive state, so he just whines and pulls the taller down next to him to deter the combustion he may endure. They lay in content silence for a while but Yukhei is Yukhei so it doesn’t last long. 

 

“You’re so beautiful, like a flower or something. I love you so much,” Yukhei rambles and Jungwoo kisses him to shut him up. Unfortunately, Yukhei pulls away to continue. “Was it good, baby? Do you feel good?” 

 

The cum is drying on his stomach and it’s so gross. “Oh daddy, it was so good. Best I’ve ever had.” It’s not as much of a lie as he hoped it would be. Yukhei’s got a big dick and Jungwoo’s a shameless size queen so there’s that. 

 

“Nice,” Yukhei breathes out, bringing his hand to brush over the other’s cheek. His eyes go glassy and he has too big of a grin on his face so Jungwoo knows he’s about to get all sentimental. “I’d do anything for you.” 

 

Now _that’s_ good. Jungwoo smiles, hugging one of the many pillows surrounding them as he bats his eyelashes like the pretty little thing he is. “Do you mean that?” 

 

“Of course! You’re pretty great.” Yukhei has the nerve to _boop_ Jungwoo’s nose.

 

“… Right,” Jungwoo grits out and sits up, pillow snuggled tightly against his chest. “Daddy, I don’t know if I believe you.” He sighs dreamily and looks off to metaphorical stage left, finding use for his childhood acting experience for the 42nd time that year. Not that he’s keeping track of how many times his mother ends up being right. That would be obsessive. 

 

Always eager to please, Yukhei shoots up and declares much too loudly for Jungwoo’s taste, “Babe, I would! I swear!” 

 

“You would do anything for me?” He presses Yukhei back into the pillows, cooing. 

 

“Anything! You’re like the Saturn to my ring, the tape to my worm, the venus to my flytrap—“

 

“Close your eyes.” 

 

“Oh! Okay!” Even though Jungwoo didn’t ask, Yukhei lets him know he understands. It takes Jungwoo passive aggressively clearing his throat for Yukhei to actually close his eyes, though. 

 

While straddling Yukhei’s hips, Jungwoo has second thoughts. It would have been easier to go blonde first, then platinum, and then navy. But now he’s got to get another bleach job because Jaehyun said that the navy would win over a younger, more modern sugar daddy and maybe he was right but split ends aren’t cute. 

 

He mulls it over briefly as he smothers Yukhei with a pillow. Cotton, not satin, like he had specifically asked for. That really does validate his current actions. Anyone would have done the same. Plus this shade of cream is _so_ tacky. 

 

After some needless sweating Yukhei finally stops moving. Jungwoo clenches his jaw when he realizes he’s still got dried cum on his thighs. He told himself he’d be wearing at least Armani when he did this— which would have been totally tasteful— but as _always_ , he doesn’t get what he wants. Nonetheless, it’ll be smooth sailing from here. So he gets off of Yukhei’s unmoving body, rewarding his hard work by plopping gracelessly into the pillows.

 

“Life is so hard,” he pouts to himself and reaches over to the nightstand for his cigarettes. His diamond encrusted lighter is rough on his hands and you know what? Yukhei really had it coming. Maybe next time he’d go overseas for a sugar daddy. Definitely someone older. The sex wouldn’t be half as good but the process of murder for fortune would be less demanding. The stress wasn’t good for his skin. 

 

“Whoo! That was so exciting!” Speaking of stress. Jungwoo almost becomes a fire hazard when his entire body jerks in surprise, cigarette fumbling in his grip. 

 

“What. The everlasting f—“ 

 

“You didn’t tell me you were into _breathplay_. Oh, shnuckums, you’re so… naughty.” Yukhei, who is still very much alive to Jungwoo’s dismay, is sat up, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. 

 

Jungwoo is silent because the mix of disappointment, shock, and frustration cannot be expressed through verbal means. 

 

“How did I get so lucky? The face of an angel with the libido of a short-nosed fruit bat,” he playfully snarls and pulls Jungwoo to his chest. The flurry of kisses is what rips Jungwoo from his confused daze. 

 

“Okay! Yep,” is what his brains supplies after his murder had unexpectedly been downgraded to the attempted sort. He wiggles out of the other’s hold and gets out of bed, hurriedly getting dressed in shorts and a poor excuse for a top before grabbing some cash from Yukhei’s wallet. 

 

“My love! Where are you goi-” 

 

“Shopping. I’m going shopping,” Jungwoo says through his teeth, needing to spend someone else’s money to blow off the undiluted _what the fuck_ staining his brain. He takes a way too urgent drag of his cigarette before nearly ripping the door off of its hinges. 

 

“Return to me soon! I’ll miss you endlessly—“ 

 

Jungwoo buys Fendi. Lots of it.

 

— 

 

The Fendi still looks good three weeks later, but the ring on his finger is a bitter reminder of an unopened will.

 

“How was the honeymoon?” 

 

“Don’t patronize me,” Jungwoo deadpans as he slams his overpriced green smoothie onto the table in front of him. 

 

Sicheng tuts, pretty face scrunched in amusement. “Was wondering why I didn’t see anything about Bieber being found dead in Bora Bora on my news feed. Don’t tell me you wussed out.” 

 

“Aw, Woo grew a soul in Bora Bora.” Jaehyun coos but doesn’t look up from his phone. Sicheng leans over to catch a glimpse of whatever nude the other is setting a filter over.

 

“God, you’re both unbearable,” he slides into the booth across from the other two. “I tried and he mistook it for a kink.” When he’s met with unconvinced stares, Jungwoo huffs. “He’s got the lungs of an olympic swimmer! And I can’t exactly turn every blowjob into an attempt at homicide.” 

 

“Why? Afraid Yukhei will use all three of his braincells to finally deduce that you want his money?” Jungwoo find himself wanting to jump to Yukhei’s defense but that’s lame as hell so scratch that. 

 

“I like Yukhei. He’s cute.” Luckily, Jaehyun comes to his rescue with his own lame thoughts. The brunette’s always been too soft for this business, in Jungwoo’s not-so-humble opinion. Sweet and honest and whatever. 

 

“You literally have a dick in each hand.” Sicheng’s a bitch. It’s why he and Jungwoo hit it off so quickly at a wine tasting three years ago. 

 

“That doesn’t mean I can’t think he’s cute. Also, it’s not my fault two guys are interested in me. I shouldn’t have to choose.” 

 

“Just say you want Yuta and Doyoung to Eiffel Tower you and shut up.” 

 

“ _Both_ of you need to shut up,” Jungwoo clarifies and Jaehyun lets out an offended exhale. “I texted the group chat for an emergency pity party and it’s been approximately three whole minutes with zero pity.” He whines, placing his chin in his palm as he sadly slurps his smoothie. 

 

Sicheng bites at the straw of his glittery pink bullshit of a frappuccino. “Maybe you should go straight edge. You’d look adorable in an apron with some pot roast in the oven.” Jungwoo kicks him under the table, careful not to scuff his Louboutins.

 

“He’s got a point. Seems like a lot of work to get money Yukhei’s gladly throwing at you.” The brunette sighs, dimples decorating his face when he smiles at Jungwoo like he’s not about to pitch the Worst Idea Ever. “You should give Yukhei a chance. I can tell he likes you.” 

 

“Jaehyun, you dumb bottom.” Sicheng and Jungwoo voice at the same time, but the blonde jumps at the chance to debunk the myth of genuine affection towards another person. “Yukhei likes Jungwoo’s gag reflex. Jungwoo likes Yukhei’s front row tickets to Paris fashion week. It’s a mutually materialistic relationship. Taking Yukhei out of the equation just saves Jungwoo money on Riccola. Don’t overcomplicate things.” 

 

“I went to college,” Jaehyun mutters in defense. Jungwoo can’t help but think that Sicheng has a way with words. His relationship with Yukhei had been blissfully uncomplicated since the first day they met at an elitist mixer. Jungwoo had just suffered a Great Loss after the untimely death of his former husband and teary-eyed couture looked good on him. Good enough for Yukhei to offer his sincere condolences via his dick. A hefty diamond ring naturally followed mere weeks later. The only thing missing was his obituary, but Yukhei was sturdy and Jungwoo was a perfectionist. 

 

“All this talk about emotional vulnerability is making my pores bigger,” Jungwoo gripes as he pokes at said pores, frowning at himself on his phone camera. Sicheng nudges Jaehyun, raising his eyebrows expectantly when the brunette doesn’t budge. 

 

“I’m gonna go order you an apple walnut salad. I want cheese fries, anyway.” Jaehyun pointedly looks to the blonde before sliding out of the booth. 

 

“At least _somebody_ cares about me,” Jungwoo declares dramatically and Sicheng rolls his eyes.

 

“Get over yourself for two minutes, would you?” 

 

“I’m having a crisis, you selfish twink.” 

 

“Oh boo-friggin-hoo. Your super rich new husband didn’t die when you put a throw pillow over his nose. If you tried any less you would have driven your future children to soccer practice.” 

 

“Shut _up_. I can’t describe it. He’s… weird. And not foot fetish weird. Like, new breed weird.” Which Jungwoo would peg as charming if he wasn’t allergic to commitment. “I’m literally this close to just settling in court. We didn’t sign a prenup.” 

 

At that declaration, Sicheng reaches over to pinch his nipple through his Gucci sweatshirt. Jungwoo yelps, batting away the other’s hand. “You’re such a _brat_ —“

 

“And you have bad taste in shoes. God, you sound like a Walmart brand version of yourself. Settling something in _court_? Channel the ambition you have when sucking dick, you amateur whore.” 

 

“Sorry my google searches on how to kill my sugar daddy are _lacking_.”

 

“Defeatism makes you look fat, Woo.” That earns a pout, but Sicheng doesn’t ease up. “You guys just bought that new house, right? Just take it easy for now. Spend his money, do it up however you want, lure him into a false sense of security, whatever. With the honeymoon still fresh in his simple little mind… it’s like taking candy from a disgustingly rich baby.”

 

That sounded nice. Murder was like sex, after all. Maybe Jungwoo was too tense to really enjoy the ride. And it would be much easier if the house already looked like how he wanted it to look. Plus he doesn’t have an outfit for the funeral yet. 

 

“You’re definitely smarter than you look, Sicheng.” Jungwoo hums, tapping well manicured nails against the table in thought. “Lots of things could go wrong in a new place, after all.” 

**Author's Note:**

> i have 458409583 wips because i'm a Certified Idiot and i posted this in an attempt to push myself to finish SOMETHING someone kill me 
> 
> hit me up on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/strawberryguava) also my twitter is tarocream 
> 
> thanks for readin bud


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